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skills for success
Colleen A. Rickenbacher, CMP, CSEP, CPC
Colleen is a business etiquette expert and author of “Be on Your Best Business Behavior,” and the newly released “Be on Your Best Cultural Behavior.” www.colleenrickenbacher.com Children & Good Manners A NEW TREND for fine dining restaurants is to “ban” children under the age of 6 years old. Some patrons find this appalling – to others, it’s a blessing.
Could it be that our youngsters just aren’t learning the basics of etiquette and good manners? Here are a few simple suggestions that you might find helpful.
First words: After “mamma” and “dada”, a child’s first words should be “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome.”
Handshake and introductions: A firm, web-to-web, handshake, directly facing the person, good eye contact, and a warm, friendly smile.
Interrupting: Teach kids not to interrupt but to wait their turn. Give children their turn to speak and then listen with interest and ask questions. Whatever they may be saying is very important to them.
Telephone etiquette: Hello is always appropriate – not “yeah, ho, or hey.” As children get older, teach them how to properly take and pass along messages. When they answer the phone and it is not for them, teach them to set the phone down and go quietly to get the person.
Telephone safety: Make sure your child doesn’t give the caller too many details, especially if you are not home or they are babysitting. A simple “they are away from the phone at the moment” is much safer than “they are not here.” Teach them the importance of 911 and when to use it.
Let’s go visiting: Teach them to thank their host, clean up after themselves, eat politely and share.
Thank you notes: Set up a routine of sending handwritten thank you notes. They don’t need to be long and should not be a text or e-mail.
Dining manners: Teach the basics of knowing which fork or spoon to use, chewing with their mouth closed, and waiting until everyone is served before starting to eat. Keep the napkin on their lap and use it from time to time instead of their sleeve.
As we are molding young children into adults, politeness is important, but make it fun. Don’t allow all of the communication “gadgets” we now use to keep them from learning how to have a simple face-to-face conversation. And, most of all, please set a good example.
Ten Tips for a meeting or an Interview Over A Meal MANY MEETINGS and interviews are now handled over a meal. But is your mouth full as you talk, burp and blow your nose at the table? Probably not a good first impression. You don’t have to be straight-backed, prime and proper, but a few simple guidelines might be helpful.
Flag Protocol MEETING PLANNERS ARE often called upon to display flags. As we approach July 4th, I thought you might enjoy learning more about the “flag protocol” that governs the display of our “Stars and Stripes.” Key points to know:
• The flag should never be carried flat or horizontally, but always aloft and free. So when you see that wonderful football half-time show, that is actually a violation of the code, but it sure looks great.
Making Friends is Like Building a Pyramid CONSIDER RELATIONSHIPS like a pyramid – how each block supports the others. A strong foundation creates a more solid and longer lasting connection and relationship. Prepare, plan and grow. Have a purpose and a goal. Then, strategically, put your plan into action. Technology connects people. With all the many factors necessary to strengthen the power of relationships, technology is increasing at a steady and rapid pace. We now have over 200 active sites for social networking. Social networking between businesses is an inexpensive and productive way to promote your brand around the world with Facebook and Twitter being the two main sites. Just do not overuse it and forget to connect on a personal basis. We cannot allow social media to replace personal communication. Dress appropriately. Your appearance is definitely a first impression and can enhance or impede that relationship, so make it your best. When in doubt about what to wear, ask your host or hostess. It is always better to be overdressed. Don’t just talk about business. Events are networking opportunities. Use these opportunities to exchange business cards and to set up a future meeting, but leave the brochures and proposals at the office. Always be prepared with “easy talking” subjects that are appropriate to the event or situation. Always avoid politics and religion. Most people love to talk about themselves or their families. Engage them in conversation and get to know them. Building the Relationship. Meeting a person can be the easy part. Listen when they are speaking. Following up and keeping the relationship growing is the tough part. This is the second phase of the construction of the pyramid. Like a foundation, this needs to be the solid part of the relationship. Follow up with e-mails to set possible meeting times at future association events. Just be careful not to demand too much of their time. Make your meetings beneficial for both you and that person. Offer your expertise and your knowledge to them in exchange for their wealth of information. The Lasting Power. To reach the top of the pyramid takes time, consistency and professionalism. People will work with you and will continue in a relationship once they get to know you, and trust you. You develop trust through your works of kindness, dependability, customer service, problem-solving skills and independent thinking. This may sound “old school,” but isn’t it wonderful that we are finally getting back to the basics.
Two Heads are Better Than One THE IDIOM, “TWO HEADS ARE BETTER than one” has its origin in the 1500’s and implies that one person cannot think as well as two. Add many minds working together and you have the potential to create an unstoppable team. A team can provide combined strengths, abilities and experience. Even if you are an independent planner, you need your client and a team of people working together to produce a successful event. As a speaker, you need someone to hire you and an audience to listen. In sports, you need players, a coach, and hopefully spectators to cheer you on to victory. In school, children are encouraged to work at their own pace, but it has been proven that, in a group environment, kids will have better test scores and a heightened enjoyment of learning. You will hear time and time again, that it is just easier to do it yourself, that it takes too long to explain to another person, or that old cliché - you can do it better and quicker. In some cases, perhaps that’s correct. However, just think how these individuals working together can produce a better event, convention, meeting or project. To achieve a strong team working with a single a mission and goal, you must have a clear line of communication. If everyone knows they are a part of a winning team, success will follow. Clear expectations are another key for success. Each player must understand what is expected of them, how the process works, that creativity has no limits, and what everyone hopes to achieve. This doesn’t mean that the process cannot change along the way, but there must be a clear starting point with concise guidelines and well-defined expectations. Opposites do attract on teams, so be open to varied ideas and even minor conflicts. Your skills and knowledge may vary, but of utmost importance is the attitude of each individual player on the team. Every person has a talent, some of their talents may even overlap, but combining these varied ideas and concepts will only enhance your effectiveness. Individuals have great attributes and skills that make them top performers. However, always remember, “two heads are better than one.” Share, be a great mentor, and connect. Celebrate in each other’s success, surround yourself with great players and enjoy that special feeling that comes from being a part of a winning team.
Meeting or Interviewing Over a Meal MANY MEETINGS and interviews can come down to a matter of how you handle yourself during a meal. Do you talk to the client or prospective boss with your mouth full? Do you burp or blow your nose at the table? You don’t have to be straight-backed and prim and proper, but a few guidelines would be appropriate. Be on time for your meal appointment. Five to ten minutes early would be appropriate. If you are the host, arrive early enough to handle seating and arranging for the bill. Turn off all electronic devices before you enter the restaurant. Who is more important – the person you are dining with or the person on the phone? Follow your host. Let them sit first and then sit in a seat for best eye contact. Alternatively, allow the host to seat you. Wait for the host to open the menu and order. They may want to talk a little before the meal. The ideal situation is to wait to discuss business at the end of the entrée, but you may want to order first and then start your discussion and continue throughout the meal. Keep your materials in a portfolio that’s easy to put under your seat when a course is served. The dining table is not a desk. Order what you like, but don’t go overboard. The discussion is more important than what you are eating. Avoid food that you eat with your fingers or could get messy. Take small bites, so you can answer quickly without a full mouth. If it is an evening meeting and you are offered an alcoholic beverage, use your best judgment. One drink is sufficient. You need to keep your wits about you. It is fine to decline and select a non-alcoholic drink. If you are asked to recommend a wine, do not suggest an expensive wine. Be reasonable and sensible. Know when to end. Don’t order coffee or dessert unless your host does. If they invited, they pay. You can offer, but standard etiquette is for the person inviting to pay. Follow up with a thank-you note. A handwritten note sent immediately thanking them for the time spent is always appreciated and a good way to remind them you want their business or the job.
Presentation Skills ALL OF US TALK to people everyday. Some of us will do presentations to our staff or our clients, to a large audience, or maybe it’s just talking on the phone or sending e-mails. How we make these presentations will make all the difference to successful communications. Here are few tips to help prepare you for your next presentation: Be ready. Why are you speaking to them and why would they listen? Do you have an understanding of the topic? Are you giving them what they expect? What will you deliver to them? What will they take away from your presentation? Will they buy into you or your product? Pretend you are the audience. What do you want to hear? Be exciting and have fun but still provide the facts and information necessary. Not all topics are fun or exciting, but you have to create a buy-in. Find the right hot buttons. The three parts of a presentation. Your opening (5%) needs to grab them. The body (90%) contains your substance. It’s your time to inform, inspire, teach, sell or motivate. Your closing (5%) is the time to review, recap. End on a high. Appearance. How you present comes through with their first impression on how you look. Do you look professional and in control? If it is an e-mail or a phone presentation then your voice will convey your knowledge, expertise and experience. Don’t brag. Who cares how much you have accomplished. But be believable and confident. Petrified to present?. There are some people that would rather have a root canal than present. Deep breathing, a few yawns and stretches will help. If you want to use gestures or move around, do it, just not too much. Never, ever, apologize for being nervous. Bad habits to avoid include talking over their head, turning around to show a slide on your PowerPoint, telling jokes that could be distasteful, too many “ums” and “aahs,” and not including all the demographics of your audience. How to keep your audience: Stories are good. Quotes or statistics get their attention. Ask and allow questions throughout your presentation, and keep them engaged. Things to Remember: Buy-in from the audience, meet their objectives, summarize, and leave them wanting more.
Conference Etiquette: Tools to Survive Your Next Industry Event CONFERENCES and trade shows should be wonderful learning experiences and also fun. The education and the connections will happen naturally, but here are a few “etiquette” tips to help you avoid any embarrassing mistakes. The Opening Reception Don’t come so hungry that you attack food as soon as you arrive. Networking is a time to connect first, then eat and drink. Eat a snack before the event. The purpose is to meet and greet people which can be difficult when you’re eating and drinking. Do your homework and make it your mission to connect with as many people as possible. Then follow-up. Move around the room. When you meet someone, introduce yourself, exchange business cards, talk, and possibly set up another time to meet when you return to the office. As you leave, shake hands, thank them for their time, and then move on.. General or Educational Sessions If you must have a conversation or make a phone call, out of respect for the speaker and those around you, leave the room. If you’re with a “talker,” politely tell them that you would love to chat after the session. Be polite and do it at the beginning of the conversation. Come to the session prepared with notebook paper and pens. It’s tacky to have to borrow. Don’t take up two or three seats. Move in and meet someone new. Introduce yourself and enjoy their company before the speaker begins. Arrive early and sit in the front. Networking Events Begin and end each conversation with a handshake. Always stand-up when you shake hands. Even if you’re shy, making small talk can be easy. Ask people about their travel, the weather, about the conference or, best of all, ask questions about them. Always Wear your name badge. Make sure your name can be easily read. Wear it on the right side of your outfit - it’s easier for the person you’re meeting to read it. Bring hundreds of business cards. Your purpose should be to meet people and hopefully bring back new business to your company. Present your card with your name and logo facing the recipient. Always stand to exchange cards. I hope these tips help make your next face to face event even more successful - and more fun.
What Happened to the Friendly Skies? Airplane, Airline and Airport Etiquette Fall 2009 FLYING IS A GREAT and convenient way to get from Point A to Point B, but, it can be a challenge and unpleasant when the person just inches away from you, is not on their airline best. Top Suggestions: Security: Laptops are placed in a separate bin and shoes, jackets, belts all come off. Be ready to strip down. Once they come through the security, go, go, go. Grab your items and move to the end or a table to get redressed and organized. The Lobby: Most people only need one seat. Don’t take one seat for you, one for your briefcase, and one for your meal. Boarding: Get to your seat and move in. Do not block the aisle, and do not stop to put your luggage above Seat 5C when you are sitting in 25C. Phones and Electronic Devices: Turn off everything when asked by the flight attendants. When in use, only “inside voice” and avoid the “cell yell.” Head sets are mandatory for games and videos, but they still can be annoying. Keep your movies to a PG rating and be kind to the people around you with lights and clicking keyboards. Snack Trays and Reclining: Be gentle. Avoid bouncing the person in front of you by moving those trays up and down. Nor do you need to recline so fast or far that you are now in the lap of the person behind you. Use your armrest instead of grabbing the seat in front of you to avoid pulling that person back, possibly waking them up from a nice nap and even grabbing their hair. Painful experience. The Dangerous Shoulder Bags: Stay alert and ready to duck for stray shoulder bags coming down the aisles. Dress: Be prepared to meet a possible client on your next trip. Avoid casual dress and always have your business cards. Exit: Wait your turn to exit the plane. Do not come rushing and pushing from the back to get a few people ahead. Go seat-by-seat, row-by-row. Flying does need your best etiquette. You never know who you might meet on your next flight, so be prepared.
Volunteers Summer 2009 MORE AND MORE COMPANIES and associations are using volunteers to help with their meetings and cut back on overall expenses. People volunteer for various reasons including becoming more involved, looking for a job and want exposure, or just their time to give back. Whatever their reason, take advantage of this opportunity and sign them up. But know their talents and match their abilities to their perfect volunteer job.
Here are a few suggested guidelines: 1. Have the volunteer’s assignment, timeline and purpose in writing and clearly outlined so they know what is expected and how their role will add to the overall success.
2. A training program or at least some face-to-face explanation will make the difference.
3. Praise the volunteers for their services. Their reward could be as simple as a golf shirt or t-shirt to wear during the convention, a badge or ribbon that states they are a volunteer, recognition from the stage or in the program, meals or even free registration to the conference.
4. Chain of command is critical. Volunteers need to know their “go to” person if they have questions.
5. Be clear on your demands. If the volunteer can only offer two to four hours, then make sure their job only entails that amount of time.
6. If you don’t have enough volunteers, then ask more members to become involved. Don’t wait for volunteers to come to you, but go after them.
7. Firing a volunteer can be really difficult but does happen. Hopefully you can avoid this with proper training, matching the right people to the right job, and the tools for them to accomplish with is needed and expected of them.
8. Thank them at the end of the conference or the completion of the project with a thank you reception for all volunteers and staff, a small gift or a handwritten thank you note. Whatever it is make sure you show your appreciation so they will come back over and over again.
Make sure that volunteer needs are placed very high on your checklist throughout the planning process. This is a key part to your success and overall budget.
Hurried, unprepared, untrained volunteers who are “pushed” into a job can slow down the process and create double work for others. So select well, educate well, and appreciate all your volunteers. This will help make them an asset to your organization.
Mastering Electronic Etiquette Spring 2009 A RECENT SURVEY ASKED if more time was spent on their home computer or with their partner. The computer won with 65%. It could be scary when they ask this question again a year or two from now.
Computerized office environments, telecommuting and all the electronic innovations of the past two decades have created a new set of situations to challenge professional behavior. As handy as some electronic tools may be, they also create irritation and interruptions. A business professional should know how to balance well-mannered attention to a client against a ringing cell phone. Shame on you if you don’t!
Here are my top five tips covering electronic etiquette:
E-mails: It is now the main form of business communication so treat it properly with correct grammar, spelling, abbreviations and no emotion signs. Use the subject line to your advantage and make it easy for people to respond to you with sufficient contact information at the end of your e-mails.
Phones: Turn cell phones off in meetings, restaurants, movies and churches. Leave exact messages on a voice mail with your full name, company, the time and date. Say your phone number twice clearly and slowly. BlackBerry and all other electronic devices are absolutely wonderful to stay on top of all your messages. Be careful when using and remember, who is more important - the person next to you or the one you are texting? The BlueTooth is definitely not a fashion statement, so remove it if you are not using it.
Speaker Phones: Be very careful how and when you use a speaker phone. Do not answer on the speaker phone and broadcast your conversation through the office. Once on a call if you need to switch to the speaker phone, explain why and ask if the person would mind. Laptops: Strongly recommend placing your name and company on your laptop. You may send it through the security belt at the airport and then be delayed passing through security. Laptops are like a black suitcase going around the conveyer belt, they all look alike. In flight, consider the people around you. Do they want to sleep and you are constantly clicking the keys? 
Climbing Life's Escalator Winter 2009 LIFE IS A SERIES OF ESCALATORS and we need to determine when, where, and how we reach our ultimate floor. We all start on the ground floor and how we progress is up to us. We may even end up in the bargain basement, but hopefully we rebound, get back on track and continue upward. People and events will change our course as we go through life. Some changes we plan and prepare and others happen quite unexpectedly. The difference is learning to take advantage of every opportunity. Here are five tips as we move into 2009 and a year of change and opportunity. MOVE ON. You are stuck in your job or in a relationship and afraid to move on. Fear can dominate your professional and personal life and restrict your movement. It is never too late and sometimes it takes a drastic change to force us to move on. Surround yourself with leaders and friends and start moving. There are many other people out there in the same situation and how you deal with it will determine your next level of advancement. Look for these people and opportunities that can help you. But don’t wait for them to come to you. GET OUT. Make new connections. Attend seminars, receptions, or even join a health club. There may be a connection you overlooked that could be your greatest opportunity. FIRST IMPRESSION. Remember you only get one chance to make a first impression. Do not look like “Oh woe is me. I’m stuck on this floor and can’t move to the next.” Be confident and make small changes. It could be as simple as getting to work 15 minutes earlier, updating your wardrobe, changing your hair style, or getting involved with an organization, your community or church. GIVE BACK. Be a person who is informative and knowledgeable and willing to help other people advance up their escalator.
CLEAR AND FOCUSED. Have a plan. Keep looking for the bargains and sales on the next floor and move ahead with confidence and professionalism. Trust yourself and the people around.
Internationallize Your Business: How to Work with Diverse Clients Without Leaving the U.S. Summer 2008 TAKE A LOOK at the people in your company and your vendors. Think about your neighbors and community members. Chances are these people are a blend of nationalities, cultures and religions. The United States has long been called a “melting pot” and, according to research, the diversity is only going to increase. This multicultural atmosphere not only affects our daily lives, but also our companies and the way we do business. Maybe you never actually cross an ocean to work with a person from another country, but whether you realize it or not, you are still working and selling globally. This includes the business you do over the phone, on the Internet, in a meeting, or over a meal. We need to continue to build a strong relationship and better understanding of this diverse clientele. Religion: Understand their culture. Religion in other cultures is often the basis for their work and existence. Respect other people’s religious holidays and be aware of the days they celebrate so it doesn’t conflict with a major deadline or important meeting. Family: Family is also a major factor in their structure. Be respective of the time they want to spend with their family, and work within an agreed upon schedule. Person-to-person contact can be a wonderful opportunity for you to close a deal or for future communication. Your appearance, body language, service and leadership styles, gestures and overall attitude can make that difference. Status and respect in other countries is judged by first impressions. How are you doing? Are you meeting them at the right time and day? Ninety-nine percent of other countries use a 24-hour clock or military time. The U.S. lists month/day/year. They list day/month/year. Clarify so you are arriving on the correct day, correct month and at the correct time. I would suggest spelling out the month to avoid any confusion. As a business in today’s marketplace, your company needs to stay competitive. Learning how to work with and be respectful of other cultures can give you that extra edge. Many countries are now conforming to more westernized styles of dress, handshakes instead of a bow and many have even adopted our style of work. But their ties run deep to their culture and knowing and understanding will put you a step ahead.
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